Randemists
Top: Tito Despacito, the banner of Randem
Bottom: Most of Randem and La Orda's core players in Sevilla in 38.0

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First iteration	i30
Years active	2019–present
Notable members	Octavius FunkyGopnik Palasinge Robert Soylent/Lama(Don_Sachmi) Andi(capitan_soos2804) Kafkaintcraft Ire Froste Gato5 ELIOSBF42000
Associated groups	Trenchgang, Phamtomguy

The Randemists, or Randem are a metagroup created by Octavius in 2019 for their first iteration on i30. They are mostly known for Israel in i38. Since their first iteration the core membership has remained largely the same and the group has had a horizontal structure with interchanging leadership among its core. The group’s name is a reference to #random which was a chatroom in the discord server where they met. The Randemists also have their own wiki (defunct) and wordpress.

Despite being one of the established regular groups of /int/man Randem tends to stay away from the discord banter and server politics. The group focuses mostly on buildfagging weird bases, shitposting and roleplaying (SOVL) instead of memeraiding and pvping in general.

Randem as a group was formed long before their first appearance on /int/craft. It’s a friend group formed around 2017 who occasionally played Minecraft together. In contrast to /int/craft’s mostly amerimutts demographic Randem is an overwhelmingly medgod metagroup with its core members hailing from every corner of the Mediterranean Sea. In 2019, Octavius who was playing /int/ in 4craft found an invite to /int/craft and brought the rest of the friend group alongside him. Because they had played Sardinia in a previous minecraft server, Palasinge decided to continue the Mediterranean heritage/larp by picking Crete in i30. This is why the randemists were at the time called “the cretins”.

Cretin hagiography.

La orda di Sternberg is a group of Andi’s friends who used to lurk on the Italian general of /int/. It overlaps with Randem without necessarily being a part of it. Andi is amongst the leading figures of Randem, however, his leadership skills were often questioned especially during the first iterations Randem took part in and he was at times even completely independent from the rest of the group. During such conflicts la Orda would side with Andi over Randem (a clear example of this was i38 when Andi co-led Nationalist Spain along with Phamtomguy instead of joining Randem in Israel). La Orda participated in i34, i35 and i38.

As mentioned before, the idea of playing Crete came from Palasinge but Gopnik and Octavius were the de facto leaders as the former handled diplomacy with other factions and the latter managed the group itself. After being labeled as newfags, “cretins” and getting constantly raided by the gayreeks, Randem was forced to erect massive fortifications under the guidance of master builder Octavius. The island was effectively turned into a massive cube fort that was very much impenetrable. However, when war day came the island was never the focus of opposing factions and Crete was able to reinforce its ally Romania who were approached thanks to Gopnik acquiring the reputation of a great brewer as well as being Romanian himself.

Crete has since become a myth amongst the Randemists, with Cretan anti-Greek propaganda being made in all future iterations of /int/craft and with the creation of the Cretin Enclave and Cretan Oil Inc. in Vorecraft which took place soon after i30. In i42 the Randemists would again play as the Cretin Enclave and Cretin Enclave Remnants in space and in i44 they would again play as the US Navy based in Crete.

FunkyGopnik representing the Cretin interests.

Randem didn't play except for Funkopopnig because ISIS was already taken and they were too lazy/busy elsewhere.

In Europa 1700, Andi and Lama shilled Crimea as a potential faction and the rest of the group agreed as it was a defendable island in the corner of the map and thus seen as safe. Andi led the Randemists shortly but he was forced to resign because the faction had a terrible image for the following reasons : Crimea was insided by alts with reddit accounts in their discord bio and was also joined by genuine ukrainian redditors. Andi did terrible diplo and allied Phamtomguy who was back then intboy’s public enemy #1. In an attempt to save the boat, Andi was replaced by Octavius who broke the alliance with Phamtom.

The Crimean fort (also known as Marine Ford) was basically an improvement on Crete’s already amazing defenses and was one of the iteration’s largest buildings. Crimea essentially served as Randem’s school for having factions function as efficiently as possible with very well planned building, logistics and resource gathering techniques. Because of Deonion's nodes system, a “famine” was caused by the inability of growing food. The answer to that was that the randemists developed the “holodomor machine”, a water fountain to kill yourself and not waste (the non existing) food. It was also during i32 that the Randemists set up the “mineslave” system which basically consisted of recruiting newfags and forcing them to mine all day. In epochcraft 2, the mineslave economy would lead a turkish mineslave to fail all of his university entrance exams and find himself with no future, all because of the blockgame.

The ukrainian mineslaves then settled the city of Dnipro and revolted against the Khan in Bakhchysarai. Crimea’s main threat was the Ottomans who memeraided the peninsula extensively at first, however the group behind the Ottomans quit the iteration very early on and Crimea proceeded to sack and rape the abandoned city of Istanbul. Left with no enemies to fight, Crimea became a vassal of Russia alongside Estonia and fought in Poland during war day. On the second day of war the Randemists joined the fight against Pope Deonions. It was an utter failure so Andi and Gopnik left to fight in Torino while Octavius and Lama backclaimed Naples, Sicily and Sardinia.

VGH..Marine Ford….

In Epoch Bronze Age, Palasinge proposed to play Ithaca because it was an island (like Sardinia, Crete, …) and as a tribute to Ioannis Metaxas (randemist inside joke about the leader of Greece during WW2 who came from Ithaca). Octavius larped extensively as Ulysses S. Grant and maparts of him wearing ancient greek armor became the faction’s main propaganda piece.

The city was settled by Lama but he handed leadership to Octavius. Ithaca was known for its brewery, its Epirus drilling program as well as its temple of Zeus which brought Helias’ favour over the Ithacans. Phamtom led Troy and was, again, the target of most of the server. To make the Iliad a reality the ships of Ithaca sailed towards Troy, eventually managing to drill its walls and set it on fire just like in the ancient epic by Christophoros Nolanos.

Because of the terrible randemist mineslave economy, Andi got into an argument with Gopnik because he was tired of mining stone blocks. The conjuncture of that argument with Phamtom being at the time a huge meme led Andi to create the religion of phamtomism which would be the first step of Phamtom’s redemption arc. Andi left Ithaca, hid in a cave in western Iran, starved, prayed to Phamtom in the chat and was blessed with fish spawned by Helias. Andi then went to Jerusalem to write more paragraphs of the Bible, was captured and enslaved in the mines again. Randemists like Palasinge and Lama progressively sided with Andi, giving him resources and food which angered Gopnik and caused the Ithacan civil war which resulted in reconciliation.

Ithaca was part of the Tyre League and was one of the only allies of Phoenicia to actually help them during war day. But the Ithacan army was only made up of Octavius and Lama which was far from being enough to help the Phoenicians. In the end only Lama was left online and he spent the end of war helping Babylon and grieging the Nabateans.

The drilling of Troy.

The beginning of i34 was the theatre of big drama among the Randemist metagroup. The Randemists were very split on what to play. The main options of Randem were Ainu but it was seen as too isolated from the map (after Crimea Randemists decided to stop playing in boring corners of the map) and then Andorra but jannies refused. So the Randemists settled for Grozny under the suzerainty of Trenchgang (who were already Crimea's suzerain in i32). Andi opposed it and led La Orda to Tuva in hopes of larping as Ungern Sternberg and reforming the Mongol Empire. Palasinge who insisted on the group playing as Grozny informed Trenchgang of Andi’s plot to take over Siberia and the latter was curtailed and exiled to Yakutsk (diamond node in the corner of the world) where he and La Orda would be more closely controlled by Russia. Palasinge’s plot angered most of the community who decided to play with Andi. Because of that, Palasinge didn’t play i34 at all. This was only the beginning of the drama that would unfold. Indeed, tensions between FunkyGopnik and Andi rapidly boiled and led to Andi kicking Gopnik from Yakutsk. Gop joined Minsk and was not allowed to get any of his stuff back, tried to mermaid Yakutsk, failed and because he had Andi’s minecraft account password, tried to log in and delete Yakutsk. Palasinge warned Andi about it, and the disaster was avoided. Funkopopnig was banned from the Randemist discord server for a few weeks.

After one week of slaving in Yakutsk (whose buildings were igloos, a ranch and a gulag) La Orda and Lama moved to Mongolia while Octavius joined Gopnik in Minsk. Mongolia was insided by one retarded italian who convinced China to memeraid the mongolians. This memeraid would be the first of many between Andi’s and Woopwooper’s factions. The first week of war was a mixed success for La Orda. China had to fight Mongolia, Japan and Swiss mercenaries which guaranteed a certain victory for the Co-Prosperity Sphere. But because the Japanese (who were fignewtons) accidentally broke one of the rules of intman war, the jannies cancelled the fall of the Chinese capital of Lanzhou. This allowed Woopwooper to relocate to Xinjiang. The following week would be disastrous for the Mongolians because the players from the defeated nation of Morocco joined Japan and formed a colony in Siberia. Japan was unaware of Morocco's antics and as they were accused of cheating, the jannies retaliated by griefing and destroying japanese chests. Japan thus ragequitted intboy leaving Mongolia alone against China. Despite having gathered more soldiers than in the previous war day, it was not enough to beat China. Andi entered a state of blazing rage, started cheating alongside other Italians and flew while dropping grenades on the Chinese troops besieging the Mongol capital of Urga. All of the Italians of La Orda were banned and the only remaining soldiers were Lama and MIL0SEVIC. Facing this humiliating defeat, they decided to surrender and fooled around with the Chinese until the end of wartime. This event is remembered in Randemist history as The Rapture or La Raptura.

Copypasta of Andi's message after The Rapture.

In the meantime, Octavius and Gopnik brought the Cretin defensive engineering knowledge to Minsk and designed most of its defences. Funnily enough and as a sign that Randemist inner drama is never too serious, one of the italians took all of the diamond reserve of Mongolia in his inventory and used cheats to fly very quickly to Minsk where he was shot down by a Russian soldier. The Russian soldier was in VC with Gopnik and Octavius who quickly came to gather the diamond, hide it in a secret room and form what was about to become the “Mongolian Gold”.

Just before the third week of War a flying Pyramid inspired by the Pyramid from i31 was built over Urga. When war came, China decided to become mercenaries. Lama had joined China and was thus hired by Gopnik to fight alongside Russia while the rest of China was hired by the norse. They fought against each other in the battle of Leningrad. Then, Lama joined Minsk for logistics reasons and formed alongside Octavius and Gopnik the VDV brigade. They fought on various fronts : Romania, Leningrad, Murmansk, Baltics and finally Berlin. At last, in the fourth week of War, Lama and Gopnik claimed east asian nodes from the ruins of Mongolia and Japan and created the DPRK.

The VDV in Murmansk

During the Jester’s Game iteration Randem initially wanted to play as the Khmer Rouge but since it was already claimed the rest of Randem joined Andi and La Orda in Urga, Mongolia. Once again Randem suffered from brutal infighting as the town of Khovd made up of redneck newfags o algo supported by Japan revolted against Andi as they believed he was a Mexican who was destroying White America (the only genuine conflict of the iteration). Not much else happened as the Jester WQN.

After the Jester's game, FunkyGopnik complained that he couldn't reach his router to reboot it and change his IP.

Randem didn’t form a separate faction during Sengoku Jidai and most of the group didn’t even log in despite many of them being weaboos. Even if the Jesters’ game didn’t make any randemists mad, they still doubted that intman could make a convincing comeback. It’s worth noting, however, that Andi was an officer in Date. The only notable feat of the Randemists during that iteration was the “battle of the Alamo” when Andi fought alone against Oda.

The Randemists didn't really care about the boycott against Deonions and they wanted to play the reddit volunteer legion but nothing happened.

For the gorillionth time Randem could not agree on what faction to play as. Playing the Dirlewanger brigade or another SS division was evoked as playing alongside Gaztons who had ties with palasinge (both are Greek) sounded like an interesting proposition but Gaz withdrew himself from playing the iteration and the group replacing him in Germany was a horde of crigger bestias. The other main proposal was to play in Spain either as the carlists or the Durruti Column. Since Phamtom also wanted to play in Spain, they considered setting up a meme civil war where Phamtom would fight Randem and the leader would lead the whole group. But a secret third option came out of the darkness. When the Randemists were discussing playing Dirlewanger, it was also evoked that they should play as the Warsaw Uprising or as Jews in Auschwitz. This idea was unrealistic and quickly abandoned but it sparked the flame of Zion in the heart of Randem. At this time, Lama was reading the Old Testament and this awakened his desire to larp as the Haganah or Lehi which instantly convinced Palasinge. And so the two of them transformed into Ben Gurion and Jabotinsky. They never expected the rest of the metagroup to follow them and wanted to redo Dr.Vore’s Florence from i32. Israel also posed the issue of the land since i38 had preclaimed nodes for historically existing countries and the UK had already claimed that land, however, in the end Ghoul agreed to have Jerusalem serve as the capital of the Mandate of Palestine and be the UK’s main hub in the Middle East. The zeal and the intense spamming of Lama and Palasinge convinced the rest of Randem with the exception of Andi to join them in Jerusalem. Andi and La Orda thus joined Phamtomguy and formed the majority of his playerbase in Nationalist Spain.

Extremely autistic collage about the Palasinge-Lama Israeli Kabbal. It perfectly depicts the Randemist soul.

Jerusalem initially controlled only the lands of Mandatory Palestine, making building and resource gathering extremely hard, soon enough, however, all of the UK’s Middle Eastern possessions were handed over to Jerusalem with the exception of Suez. i38 was when Randem’s presence in /int/craft was felt the most: Jerusalem was one of the strongest towns in the town-packed Middle East, it received a sizeable influx of newfags (particularly Londoners dissatisfied with Ghoul and later norse veterans including Scarmu who stayed loyal to the UK even after London fell), and built some of the iteration’s greatest buildings like the Third Temple and the Federal Reserve.

Once more, Octavius with the help of Pietry (randem oldfag who hadn’t played intcraft with the group before and future Crusalis dev) designed a web of impenetrable fortifications and Gopnik built factories and took care of the brewing. Octavius spent a lot of energy designing and building the newgod-friendly Jerusalem spawnroom which would become the patron of most of Randem's spawnrooms afterwards. Elsewhere, lama and the new addition of kafka built most of Jerusalem’s civilian buildings in order to make it less shit. Other notable buildings were Beirut built by Lama and Fort Cunny built on the Wakanda node on the Nile in Sudan, where the group gathered for its customary rituals (orgies).

When Sinai (server spawn) was transferred over to Jerusalem the Randemists quickly built the “Goy Cage” (or cope cage), surrounding the spawn and killing everyone before they could teleport to their bases (this went on for a considerable amount of time before jannies intervened). This was initially done as a measure to counter the unending memeraids that plagued early game Israel. The Randemists also built very crude maparts right in front of spawn which probably contributed to Mojang banning the server.

The goy cage seen from the southern walls of Jerusalem.

Despite being part of the UK, Jerusalem pretty much behaved like an independent town, developing ties with the CSA despite their burning rivalry with London. Israel thus fully dedicated its efforts in fighting in the Middle East, promising a distant help to London once they would be done with the Arabs, which happened long after the UK had already died. The Arab Coalition consisted of Iraq, Iran and Saudi Arabia and after weeks of bloody fighting and with the help of Switzerland and the Mughal Empire Israel stood as the only force remaining in the entire Middle East, having declared its independence from the now capitulated UK. The highlight of the Middle Eastern war was the “Miracle of Riyadh” during which an overwhelming and well equipped force of Israelis supported by the Swiss was prevented from capturing Saudi Arabia’s capital node by greeking Jihadists with only seconds left on the war timer. This was partly due to random Texan and Portuguese raids as well as a janny /killing Aluf mishne MIL0SEVIC because he was killing too many people. Randem complained about it to Xeth, saying that spawnkilling Saudis was promised to them 3000 years ago and showing evidences proving that MIL0SEVIC was not cheating as well as an evidence of a janny /killing him. Xeth admitted the errors of the staff and gave reparations to Israel.

The “Miracle of Riyadh” was followed by “the Six Minute War” on the next warday during which the Swiss Air Force 9/11’d Riyadh’s twin towers and an Israeli tank blew up the Saudi chest room soon after the war had begun leading to the surrender of the Saudis. The chest breaking operation was presented to the jannies as an accident as Tsahal supposedly didn’t know that destroying another faction’s chest room was illegal. Lama had come up with this plan after struggling to cope with the humiliation of the first battle of Riyadh but he was genuinely not aware. Despite this sketchy move (which was in all honesty fair with the janitorial abuse inflicted upon Israel on the previous war day), no grudges were held and the two nations accepted a generous peace treaty under which Riyadh would become a town within Israel under the administration of Commander Funkoponig. The secret clause of the treaty was that Israel let Saudi Arabia backclaim the remaining British nodes in the Gulf before annexing Riyadh. Jonathan’s article on the Middle Eastern front of i38 is a faithful and a far more detailed retelling of the events that is worth reading.

i38 saw Randem’s core players grow significantly for the first time since its inception, with the integration of the i38 swiss faction led by gato5, Scarmu and Kafka with his various friends (kafkalings) into Randem’s regulars.

Map of the Middle East at the end of the iteration.

The Randemists were led by Octavius. The main debate was on whether to play Louisiana or Haiti and Haiti won. Haiti is the only time Randem lost an iteration (if we don’t count La Orda’s defeat against Woopwooper in i34) but they made up for it by claiming the spawn of the server and locking it. Only Gopnik, Gato and Octavius played during that iteration and Haiti was mainly composed of newfags and crigger bestias recruited during i38 and epochcraft 4.

Spawn closed.

In i40, it was decided to larp as the New World Order and to settle in Minneapolis (which was named Floydville for apparent reasons). Lama was the leader of the town but the de facto leader was Octavius. It was one of the few Randemist /int/craft towns with no autistic fort but a network of Hamas tunnels was built underground and connected the various buildings of Floydville. The theme of the town was a shitty midwest american city through European lenses and Floydville’s notable buildings were; the Planned Parenthood (spawnroom), the Cup Food, the police station, Walmart, an airport, the FEMA camp where unmasked chuds were detained and Los Pollos Hermanos (brewery).

The New World Order was allied to Nogales and Pittsburgh and fought valiantly to protect the Wojjer capital during the first war day. After the fall of Pittsburgh the Wojjers were welcomed into Floydville and rejuvenated the town with an entirely new district composed of ugly suburban homes, stores, a flying base and an abandoned police station. Despite not caring much about the iteration’s discord drama, the NWO found itself embroiled in the Strykergang v Fedward hyperwar on Mexico’s side. During the second war day the NWO easily capitulated Canada before turning its focus on Ghoul’s Walmarthr in Little Rock. The fighting was rough and each offensive by one side was followed by a counteroffensive by the opposing side, leading to a stalemate.

During the final war day Floydville was fighting on three fronts: Florida managed to capture the node right next to the main Floydville node and harassed NWO troops (Jannies concluded that Florida was using some exploits so the node was returned to Floydville), NWO stay-behind units fought a successful guerilla campaign against the ZOG in New England and the main front was just like the previous war day Walmarthr. Little Rock managed to counter attack deep into Floydville territory before being halted by NWO soldiers, almost a repeat of the previous war day. At the very end of the iteration, The Randemists led the largest (by nodes) faction of the server and the country was renamed to “Let’s All Love Lain” by Lama before being forcefully integrated into the Strykergang blob by the jannies.

NWO before the last week of war became the CPC-occupied Government.

The deserted streets of Floydville.

Backside of the Planned Parenthood.

Back when i41 was announced, Randemists were shitposting about Sweden and the Swedish accent. Because vintage story’s main food is mushrooms, they memed about the Uppsala Mushroom Association. With i41 taking place during the 30 years war, Sweden was thus a natural choice. The faction was led by Lama and Palasinge and counted on the momentum of i40’s successes to encompass the largest and most diverse group Randem ever had under its leadership. The faction was made of three towns, Uppsala with Randemists, Wojjers and Strykergang members, Helsinki with people from the Mughal Empire in i38 and Iceland with tazoona & co. Uppsala’s larp was based on mushrooms and gnomes. The spawn and the kitroom of the city was a giant mushroom but the rest of the city was built following the style of 1600s Swedish urban architecture. Uppsala was probably the Randemist city with the most efforts done on comfy buildfagging with various hidden gnome houses, the house of the Moomins and a gnome church built by Kafka. Helsinki was one giant starfort and Iceland was undertale bullshit or whatever. Sweden was the largest faction of i41 but the iteration was small and the war aspect uninteresting. The Randemists blamed part of the failure of i41 on the lack of knowledge of most people who played about basic European modern history.

Uppsala citizens in front of the i34 memorial.

comfy..

During the space iteration, Octavius led the Cretin Enclave to space. The standard armour was the enclave one (obviously). Nobody played much and the town was not even active during war day.

Randem didn’t play during jeetcraft with the exception of Funkopopnig.

Randem is set to play as the US Navy based in Crete, led by Palasinge and his kabbalistic acolyte Lama.